Arrggghhh! Stuck again?

Do you have those days (or weeks) when you desperately want to get something done, or a project finished, and you just can’t get yourself to do it? You’re stuck and each time you try to make yourself start you get distracted. Suddenly you’re hungry or thirsty, Facebook is singing it’s siren song, or there’s that email that you simply must answer immediately!

I’ve been stuck for months, totally unable to write blog posts. That’s right – the very thing you’re reading right now. I procrastinate in so many, highly creative ways. A month ago I actually went to the trouble of painting my home office a more ‘cozy’ and calming color so I could write in there. I’d convinced myself that’s what would make it possible to write more easily. Creative procrastinator – that’s me, right here 🙂

That paint job took me 2 weeks to complete in between other work on my list, but since I’d created the belief that I needed that new color to write, nothing even got started. And then when I’d finished painting, it was another two weeks before I actually wrote the first post – and you have probably guessed that it didn’t happen in my home office with the pretty new paint.

So the irony is…

All of the posts I’ve written in the past I wrote over coffee or lunch, in a cafe or restaurant, on a retreat, or at my dining table. I sat down with a warm beverage, a notebook, and a rollerball pen! That’s it! An office – of any hue, either at home or elsewhere, has never been a part of the process, and that’s still true with this post you’re reading right here.

It’s a pretty simple process for me to get myself to write: Notebook? Check. Rollerball? Check. Coffee or snack? Check. Office? No way! Right now I’m at my dining table where I think more clearly, and have none of those pesky interwebs fueled distractions!

So what’s the question, already?

I hear you saying “Nikki, What IS the one question to ask myself when I’m stuck”. Since I promised it to you in the title and the only thing I dislike more than being stuck is click bait, here it is! Ready for the question and five steps to answering it?

WWSWLTD?

“What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?”  Just seven simple little words… right? Yes, the words are simple… but the process is not necessarily easy, so I’m going to break it into clear steps for you here.

What would someone who loves themselves do who is stuck not writing blog posts? Considering I’m still traveling the road of learning to deeply love and accept myself (and I fully expect this journey will continue into the foreseeable future – hence my Self-Love Manifesto), in order to ask the question I have to begin by putting myself in the shoes of someone who does – love themselves, I mean. I need to imagine that it’s already true for me, and then sitting in that seat, envision how I would treat myself if that was the case. Like I said, simple – not easy.

Here’s a case study – with your’s truly, front and center

1. I am stuck! Blog posts are my desired goal and I can’t get myself to sit down and write them. My first step is to take a little time to get quiet and listen closely for any internal dialogue. Immediately I hear “it’s hard to write well”, and “who do you think you are trying to make it easy” A quick google search on “it’s hard to write well” gave me over 19 million results! Seems that lot’s of folks agree.

2. So now I’m aware that I have a belief that it’s tough to produce good writing. I just know it’s difficult, and therefore I must grapple with it if I’m going to do it well. Of course, this isn’t necessarily true. It’s certainly a belief I have, but I also know that doesn’t mean that it’s also true. Whether or not it’s true, keeping that belief top-of-mind doesn’t support me having what I want (writing done). It’s actually making it more difficult to approach. So I take look at what beliefs I can suspend here, while I’m considering the question because I think SWLT *someone who loves themselves* would be kinder to herself, would want to do what feels supportive, and would try to make it the whole thing a little easier.

Hang in there… we’re so close

3. So, now instead of thinking “it’s hard to write well”, I start thinking “how do I like to write”. Notice that I’ve defined what seems to cause me the biggest difficulty and removed that condition which radically changes the question.  I don’t have to set the condition “write well”. I can write whatever I write, and improve it later, that I already know is a better way to go. The truth is that I actually want to write, and so now it’s a much simpler proposition.

4. The tough part has always been getting myself to sit down to write, even though the writing is something I actually enjoy. So what can I do to make getting to that point more manageable? Now that the question is “how do I like to write?” I actually have an easy answer. I know that my thoughts flow and my pen flies across the page when I find somewhere where I feel cozy, and where I have no internet distractions (eg. large numbers of unread email & 12+ tabs open on my browser).

Spoiler alert…

5. After giving myself a comfy, cozy space to write, the first draft of these words flowed through my fingers into my notebook in 20 minutes. It’s pretty cool – and by cool, I mean very exciting!  I have a simple question, that gets me unstuck and that I can use over, and over again.

I keep testing it in my life on the things I still get stuck on, and “What would someone who loves themselves do?” is the question that reliably takes me from I’m stuck to I can do it, and this is exactly how.

So next time you’re stuck, try asking yourself WWSWLTD if they were stuck like you’re stuck now? Tell me what you discover when you try this ‘simple’ question for yourself. I’d love to hear what you were stuck on, and how the one question helped you get unstuck.