by Nikki | Oct 20, 2015 | Blog, critic, Thoughts
Managing Change
I’m in a big phase of change in my life, and each day I notice that how to swing from welcoming it with open arms, to resisting change with everything I can muster!
And just occasionally, I’m able to simply surrender to change, and trust that whatever is occurring is the right thing, and for my highest good.
If you were to ask me about change, I’d tell you “I love it!”, and some days that’s entirely true. I truly believe change keeps my thinking fresher and my brain clearer. I’ll tell you it makes me more creative and happier, and even helps keep me young.
But that’s not the whole story. Here’s the real kicker… Change is destabilizing and anxiety provoking!
It’s downright scary. It’s frightening, and makes us fearful. It brings up many questions:
What if things don’t work out the way I want them to?
What if I don’t get what I want?
What if ‘they’ don’t like me, or don’t agree with what I’ve done?
Facing our fears
To manage change successfully we need to face our fears of the unknown, of the future, and so much more. Easier said than done.
Sometimes, I don’t notice the fear… those are the times when I simply move on to a task or request that’s less threatening, without even a thought. When I have the awareness that I’m experiencing fear, I try to get clear on what it is that I’m afraid of, so I can remember that it might simply be my brain’s inherent negativity bias, and also to see if it’s a ‘real’ fear. You know, those ones that truly are a threat to my physical survival, rather than me avoiding some kind of shame or humiliation.
At the same time it’s important to remember that focusing on fearful thoughts tends to attract more fear.
When I notice I’m once again expecting the worst, I begin to focus on past successes, and remember that I also encountered fears prior to each of those successes. Most change comes with fear, but I’m trying to train my mind to expect to succeed, and to create more positive beliefs about my future.
Negativity Bias
As Rick Hanson say in his blog post, ‘Take in the Good’ Nov. 18, 2009: “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” Put simply, we have to work at being aware of the positive things that happen to us, and remembering them, rather than exclusively staying aware of the negative or fearful events.
It’s also important to remember the upside of change. Changing my ideas, or my perspective, can help me be happier and can make my life better. It can feel great, and can be exciting. And sometimes one small change in outlook is all that it takes to achieve dreams, and goals.
Remembering both to notice the upside, and being aware that my brain is attuned to the negative, can help to defuse the anxiety that change can induce. Add to that a little bravery in the face of my internal gremlins, and my life can be so much easier, and I can get on and do the work that brings me joy.
What change do you want in your life, and what are your strategies to manage change?
by Nikki | May 24, 2015 | Blog, struggling, Thoughts
Stuck in Fear
We’ve all been stuck! Stopped! Jammed up! at some stage. Fear rears it’s sweet little head, and you’re suddenly stopped. It happens to me more often than I like to admit. Without even realizing it, I’ve started listening to the stories in my head about what might happen, what ‘they‘ might think, how ‘it‘ won’t work, and why I’m not the one to do ‘it‘.
Usually it’s when I’m at my most productive. I’m on a roll, I have lots of momentum, have been creating like crazy, putting myself out there, and suddenly BAM! I’m stopped and can’t seem to get myself going again. Fear has me in it’s grip. It doesn’t seem to make sense at the time. I just did all that, and stretched myself in all those ways, and suddenly I’m believing the stories about how I can’t do it.
Stretching Your Bungee Cord
I have learned that what happen is I’ve stretched my own personal bungee cord, taking myself out of my comfort zone just a little too far, and as Newton’s laws of motion tell us ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. Yup! You guessed it!s I’ve bounced back ‘too’ far.
It’s a classic scenario, and I’m a humbled to say that I’m still surprised every time. The part of me that gets me out there, thinks it’s the perfect place to be. Strutting my stuff, telling my truth, kickin’ ass and takin’ names. But there are other parts of me. Parts that believe that it’s not OK to be so far out in the light, and we’d better get back in the shadows right now, before something bad happens. Those parts in fear aren’t specific about what ‘bad’ might look like, but they are entirely sure that it won’t be a good thing.
But How Exactly
So how do you (and when I say you I mean me) get over this ‘fear’ attack? How do you get myself moving again? Stepping back into the light. What I’ve found is that the antidote to the stories that my scared parts tell me is to do something small and seemingly insignificant. Take some small micro-step towards the longed for outcome. Notice the fear and keep going.
Since journaling is something that I find helpful, but very difficult in that place, that might look like getting my journal out and my favorite pen and putting it on top of my desk. Exercise is something I really enjoy, but the scared parts of me tell me not to do it, so sometimes to shake myself up I’ll dance to my favorite song. You could write an email to a precious friend, go and wash your car while listening to a podcast, have a shower and really feel the water running over your skin. The important part is to re-engage with reality.
Stories are Not Reality
Those stories that come from fear are not reality! They’re stories, designed to keep you safe, and in doing so, they keep you small. Engaging with reality, and taking some small action is the antidote to those stories. If you want something different in your life, you’re going to have to do something different. Try this next time you’re feeling jammed-up.
Next time you notice fear holding you back, try micro-steps. The tiniest things can make a huge difference. And when you’re back on track, and want to get even more done, check out my series on Productivity Posts.
by Nikki | Jan 7, 2015 | Productivity, Thoughts
A Little More Productivity
Following on from my first post about Productivity, we’re now going to start at the very beginning, making more space in your psyche for a new way of being, thinking, having and creating.
Have you every noticed the giant ‘to do’ list living in your mind, using up your precious brain power? Little things like getting the car washed, sending thank-you cards, or doing your bookkeeping, or organize your taxes. They’re sometimes things that don’t have to be done, but would make a difference to the quality of your life if you completed them. Others are MUST DO tasks that simply are not fun, and need some time, and a bit more thought.
Every Little Thing
Your task here is to write every little (or big) thing that needs to be done on your list! Every task, idea, thought, plan, & goal that comes to mind. No matter how big, or how trivial an item might seem – get it on this list, stream of consciousness style. You’re not trying to organize anything here, just unload it all. This is a big time brain-dump!
I invite my group coaching clients to do this exercise at the very beginning of our groups, and it never fails to amaze me (and them) how long the list is. How many seemingly trivial, and often easy, tasks are on the list, that they can get done often during the weeks that the group is meeting. Sometimes the list includes tasks like dropping something off, picking things up, or other tasks that can be scheduled into a normal day with a little extra time, and just an ounce of planning.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Magic List
My clients often end up referring to it as their magic list. Once an item is on your list, it’s at least 50% more likely that it will get done. The morning after the first meeting of my last group coaching program, a client sent me the following message: “Shockingly, I’m already doing two things that I put on the list. One has been there for 5 years, and the other for a year! Magic list!”. Don’t underestimate what you might get from this exercise.
This is what I refer to as the MAGIC of coaching. Simply setting an intention sets your being in motion, wanting to get it completed, but there is somehow something else begun, that seems to conspire to help us get those tasks done, or those ideas on a path to completion, and increasing your productivity.
This is an Awareness Practice. Setting your mind free, and putting all of those annoyances, and irritations, and flashes of inspiration on the list. Get them out of your head, and somewhere they’ll be remembered and acted upon when the moment is right.
Where is Not Important
Your list doesn’t need to be in a special book, although I encourage you to create a place where you can find it easily, and add to it as new thoughts emerge. Things that we want done, or know need to be done tend to nudge at our minds, seeking to be remembered, if not yet put into action. Those nudges take up your precious psychic space. That’s your brain power being utilized in a the least productive way.
Keep this list with you. Whether it’s in a notebook, or on at least one of your portable devices, keep it handy. Rather than “I’ll get to that later”, when an idea strikes you, immediately add it to the list, and be sure to cross out those that are done. Thank your brain for the inspiration, by relieving it of its burden. As this becomes a habit, you’ll find you have more focus, as well as those little (& big) tasks getting completed, as if by magic.
Did you find this helpful? Tell us let us know in the comments below. Maybe you’ve tried this in the past and found tricks that lead to even more productivity. Please share with us in the comments, so we can all benefit from your wisdom.
