The benefits of struggling
I read an article recently about the benefits of struggling in relation to learning. You won’t be surprised to learn that students who are given less instruction to complete a new task may not succeed in that task as often, but will learn about the method or system better than those given more detailed direction. In other words, their struggle enables them to learn more, and create greater understanding of a process, making them more likely to succeed at the task in future.
Struggling is something I do regularly, in fact creating this site about me has been, one of my biggest struggles. I am a very private person, and revealing myself to you like this is quite a way outside my comfort zone. On the plus side, I consider it character building, and as I really enjoy working with coaching clients, it feels important to tell the world a little more about me. Its the work that I love – no, I mean LOVE – and this is a way I can do more of it. So, on with the struggle!
What can we learn
My clients often find themselves struggling during their coaching series, but I don’t consider it my job to fix them or their struggle. My number one priority is to stay present and actively listen at these times, especially for patterns of thinking that may emerge. As difficult and painful as it can be, so much learning is available in this position. I work to help my client see the habits that appear in those times. Do they ‘collapse’ from defeat, or maybe their strategy is to try to ignore or deny this problem, and what does this tell us about her (or his) response in other areas of life? What can we learn from this reaction (or lack of one), how can we make it easier, or just maybe we can find a new and more creative response?
What I see often is their inner critic getting louder and louder, affirming to them things like ‘I knew I couldn’t do that”, or ‘I’m just going to fail again’, or some other way to get out of the struggle – to stop the discomfort. In other words, this pain will stop now if ‘we’ just stop trying to achieve or complete this task. My experience of my inner critic is that he considers it his job to ‘save’ me – from myself and any future disappointments.
Listening a little deeper
In the moments when I can become aware of that ‘voice’ and listen a little deeper, he seems to have the best of intentions. Sadly, he’s a one-trick pony, and his limited attempts to help can simply make me feel ‘less than’. So in those times when I can consciously hear that critic’s voice, I simply tell that voice “thank you, I see you’re trying to help, but that’s not what I need right now, you can take a break. I’ve got this one”. And then I get on with examining the difficulty and find a creative solution.
What’s your response to struggling, and what helps you to give your critic or judge a break in those moments? Have you found a creative way to respond when you find yourself struggling? I’d love to hear about it. Coaching is a judgement-free zone for me, and my hope is that my clients can give their critics a break during our work, and be open to what’s available to them in this uncomfortable place we call a ‘struggle’.