by Nikki | Dec 8, 2016 | Blog, Productivity, self-love
Arrggghhh! Stuck again?
Do you have those days (or weeks) when you desperately want to get something done, or a project finished, and you just can’t get yourself to do it? You’re stuck and each time you try to make yourself start you get distracted. Suddenly you’re hungry or thirsty, Facebook is singing it’s siren song, or there’s that email that you simply must answer immediately!
I’ve been stuck for months, totally unable to write blog posts. That’s right – the very thing you’re reading right now. I procrastinate in so many, highly creative ways. A month ago I actually went to the trouble of painting my home office a more ‘cozy’ and calming color so I could write in there. I’d convinced myself that’s what would make it possible to write more easily. Creative procrastinator – that’s me, right here 🙂
That paint job took me 2 weeks to complete in between other work on my list, but since I’d created the belief that I needed that new color to write, nothing even got started. And then when I’d finished painting, it was another two weeks before I actually wrote the first post – and you have probably guessed that it didn’t happen in my home office with the pretty new paint.
So the irony is…
All of the posts I’ve written in the past I wrote over coffee or lunch, in a cafe or restaurant, on a retreat, or at my dining table. I sat down with a warm beverage, a notebook, and a rollerball pen! That’s it! An office – of any hue, either at home or elsewhere, has never been a part of the process, and that’s still true with this post you’re reading right here.
It’s a pretty simple process for me to get myself to write: Notebook? Check. Rollerball? Check. Coffee or snack? Check. Office? No way! Right now I’m at my dining table where I think more clearly, and have none of those pesky interwebs fueled distractions!
So what’s the question, already?
I hear you saying “Nikki, What IS the one question to ask myself when I’m stuck”. Since I promised it to you in the title and the only thing I dislike more than being stuck is click bait, here it is! Ready for the question and five steps to answering it?
WWSWLTD?
“What Would Someone Who Loves Themselves Do?” Just seven simple little words… right? Yes, the words are simple… but the process is not necessarily easy, so I’m going to break it into clear steps for you here.
What would someone who loves themselves do who is stuck not writing blog posts? Considering I’m still traveling the road of learning to deeply love and accept myself (and I fully expect this journey will continue into the foreseeable future – hence my Self-Love Manifesto), in order to ask the question I have to begin by putting myself in the shoes of someone who does – love themselves, I mean. I need to imagine that it’s already true for me, and then sitting in that seat, envision how I would treat myself if that was the case. Like I said, simple – not easy.
Here’s a case study – with your’s truly, front and center
1. I am stuck! Blog posts are my desired goal and I can’t get myself to sit down and write them. My first step is to take a little time to get quiet and listen closely for any internal dialogue. Immediately I hear “it’s hard to write well”, and “who do you think you are trying to make it easy” A quick google search on “it’s hard to write well” gave me over 19 million results! Seems that lot’s of folks agree.
2. So now I’m aware that I have a belief that it’s tough to produce good writing. I just know it’s difficult, and therefore I must grapple with it if I’m going to do it well. Of course, this isn’t necessarily true. It’s certainly a belief I have, but I also know that doesn’t mean that it’s also true. Whether or not it’s true, keeping that belief top-of-mind doesn’t support me having what I want (writing done). It’s actually making it more difficult to approach. So I take look at what beliefs I can suspend here, while I’m considering the question because I think SWLT *someone who loves themselves* would be kinder to herself, would want to do what feels supportive, and would try to make it the whole thing a little easier.
Hang in there… we’re so close
3. So, now instead of thinking “it’s hard to write well”, I start thinking “how do I like to write”. Notice that I’ve defined what seems to cause me the biggest difficulty and removed that condition which radically changes the question. I don’t have to set the condition “write well”. I can write whatever I write, and improve it later, that I already know is a better way to go. The truth is that I actually want to write, and so now it’s a much simpler proposition.
4. The tough part has always been getting myself to sit down to write, even though the writing is something I actually enjoy. So what can I do to make getting to that point more manageable? Now that the question is “how do I like to write?” I actually have an easy answer. I know that my thoughts flow and my pen flies across the page when I find somewhere where I feel cozy, and where I have no internet distractions (eg. large numbers of unread email & 12+ tabs open on my browser).
Spoiler alert…
5. After giving myself a comfy, cozy space to write, the first draft of these words flowed through my fingers into my notebook in 20 minutes. It’s pretty cool – and by cool, I mean very exciting! I have a simple question, that gets me unstuck and that I can use over, and over again.
I keep testing it in my life on the things I still get stuck on, and “What would someone who loves themselves do?” is the question that reliably takes me from I’m stuck to I can do it, and this is exactly how.
So next time you’re stuck, try asking yourself WWSWLTD if they were stuck like you’re stuck now? Tell me what you discover when you try this ‘simple’ question for yourself. I’d love to hear what you were stuck on, and how the one question helped you get unstuck.
by Nikki | Dec 23, 2015 | Blog, struggling
Relieving Stress
Friday has arrived once more, and maybe you find yourself feeling the pressure and stress of whatever still sits on your list from this week. Here are my tips for some relieving stress quickly, and quite simply.
Today, I have a Friday reframe just for you…This week we’re putting a little twist on stress.
When you’re chronically stressed, your body produces adrenalin & cortisol, reducing functions that would be nonessential or detrimental in a fight-or-flight situation, in effect your brain to stops functioning in some the usual ways.
A new approach to stress: Stop trying; rest, ease, switch strategically.
In short, your ability to think logically becomes very limited. If you imagine that your thoughts are usually traveling on a freeway with lots of lanes, and many off ramps, under duress (stress) that freeway becomes an alleyway with far fewer turn offs. And that means that you are aware of fewer options, so you won’t be making the best choices.
You literally can’t think straight, so your decision making abilities, your creativity and your rational thinking are all stunted.
So when you feel the mind-freezing, chest-tightening, breath-shallowing effect of stress, it’s time to try something new… Here’s a little stress relief.
Stress Relief
Feeling stressed? Stop whatever you’re doing, or obsessively thinking about, and not able to even begin. Take a walk, play some music, dance a little, call a friend. The trying ends here. Take time for a break, and get your brain and body focused on something entirely different for at least 30 minutes. And then, tune in to yourself, and your inner state. Notice you’re a little calmer, you can breathe a little deeper, and you’ve stopped obsessing about your list, or task.
Take a New Approach
Now approach your work from a different angle. Get another opinion on how to do something. Brainstorm 5 different ways you could deal with a challenge – the sillier the better. Write ideas on post-it notes and stick them on the walls. As it says in our Stress Friday reframe switch your thinking strategically, and start moving in a different direction, and soon you’ll notice you’re back on top and moving in the direction of progress. You’re thinking more clearly and have a fresh start.
by Nikki | Oct 20, 2015 | Blog, critic, Thoughts
Managing Change
I’m in a big phase of change in my life, and each day I notice that how to swing from welcoming it with open arms, to resisting change with everything I can muster!
And just occasionally, I’m able to simply surrender to change, and trust that whatever is occurring is the right thing, and for my highest good.
If you were to ask me about change, I’d tell you “I love it!”, and some days that’s entirely true. I truly believe change keeps my thinking fresher and my brain clearer. I’ll tell you it makes me more creative and happier, and even helps keep me young.
But that’s not the whole story. Here’s the real kicker… Change is destabilizing and anxiety provoking!
It’s downright scary. It’s frightening, and makes us fearful. It brings up many questions:
What if things don’t work out the way I want them to?
What if I don’t get what I want?
What if ‘they’ don’t like me, or don’t agree with what I’ve done?
Facing our fears
To manage change successfully we need to face our fears of the unknown, of the future, and so much more. Easier said than done.
Sometimes, I don’t notice the fear… those are the times when I simply move on to a task or request that’s less threatening, without even a thought. When I have the awareness that I’m experiencing fear, I try to get clear on what it is that I’m afraid of, so I can remember that it might simply be my brain’s inherent negativity bias, and also to see if it’s a ‘real’ fear. You know, those ones that truly are a threat to my physical survival, rather than me avoiding some kind of shame or humiliation.
At the same time it’s important to remember that focusing on fearful thoughts tends to attract more fear.
When I notice I’m once again expecting the worst, I begin to focus on past successes, and remember that I also encountered fears prior to each of those successes. Most change comes with fear, but I’m trying to train my mind to expect to succeed, and to create more positive beliefs about my future.
Negativity Bias
As Rick Hanson say in his blog post, ‘Take in the Good’ Nov. 18, 2009: “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” Put simply, we have to work at being aware of the positive things that happen to us, and remembering them, rather than exclusively staying aware of the negative or fearful events.
It’s also important to remember the upside of change. Changing my ideas, or my perspective, can help me be happier and can make my life better. It can feel great, and can be exciting. And sometimes one small change in outlook is all that it takes to achieve dreams, and goals.
Remembering both to notice the upside, and being aware that my brain is attuned to the negative, can help to defuse the anxiety that change can induce. Add to that a little bravery in the face of my internal gremlins, and my life can be so much easier, and I can get on and do the work that brings me joy.
What change do you want in your life, and what are your strategies to manage change?
by Nikki | Sep 29, 2015 | Blog, Productivity, Successful projects
I know you’d love to bring your BIG IDEA to life. Want a step-by-step plan to get you to your goal? You come up with countless brilliant ideas! You’re a creative, and you want to succeed, but getting from your BIG IDEA to a successful, and profitable project completion isn’t always a simple task, but with help, you can do it.
Make a plan for your BIG IDEA with your free 12-page workbook
Use your workbook:”Bring your BIG IDEA to life”, to make a complete, step-by-step plan for your project, using information you already have. You’ll get amazing clarity on your idea, a list of all the major steps and actions you need to take, know exactly where to begin, and what to do next to keep you making progress. You’ll even have a list of resources to call on if you get stuck.
Use the link below to download your workbook, and print it out and start to make a plan for your project. Find yourself some 2″ x 1.5″ post-it notes, and you’re on your way! Your project or dream may be very complex or quite simple, difficult or easy, yet this process will walk you through breaking it down to relevant and achievable steps, and give you the plan to accomplish it.
You already have the knowledge you need to bring your BIG IDEA to life
My 12-page workbook will guide you from start to finish. Answering the questions in the workbook will lead you through a simple process of creating a complete plan for your project, with a list of each and every action required, as well as a timeline to follow. I love that it’s also a repeatable model. Get your own copy here: Big Idea Workbook. No opt-in required.
Let me know in the comments about your experience of using this workbook, I’d love to hear about your project idea and how you’re making your brilliant idea a reality.
by Nikki | May 24, 2015 | Blog, struggling, Thoughts
Stuck in Fear
We’ve all been stuck! Stopped! Jammed up! at some stage. Fear rears it’s sweet little head, and you’re suddenly stopped. It happens to me more often than I like to admit. Without even realizing it, I’ve started listening to the stories in my head about what might happen, what ‘they‘ might think, how ‘it‘ won’t work, and why I’m not the one to do ‘it‘.
Usually it’s when I’m at my most productive. I’m on a roll, I have lots of momentum, have been creating like crazy, putting myself out there, and suddenly BAM! I’m stopped and can’t seem to get myself going again. Fear has me in it’s grip. It doesn’t seem to make sense at the time. I just did all that, and stretched myself in all those ways, and suddenly I’m believing the stories about how I can’t do it.
Stretching Your Bungee Cord
I have learned that what happen is I’ve stretched my own personal bungee cord, taking myself out of my comfort zone just a little too far, and as Newton’s laws of motion tell us ‘For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction’. Yup! You guessed it!s I’ve bounced back ‘too’ far.
It’s a classic scenario, and I’m a humbled to say that I’m still surprised every time. The part of me that gets me out there, thinks it’s the perfect place to be. Strutting my stuff, telling my truth, kickin’ ass and takin’ names. But there are other parts of me. Parts that believe that it’s not OK to be so far out in the light, and we’d better get back in the shadows right now, before something bad happens. Those parts in fear aren’t specific about what ‘bad’ might look like, but they are entirely sure that it won’t be a good thing.
But How Exactly
So how do you (and when I say you I mean me) get over this ‘fear’ attack? How do you get myself moving again? Stepping back into the light. What I’ve found is that the antidote to the stories that my scared parts tell me is to do something small and seemingly insignificant. Take some small micro-step towards the longed for outcome. Notice the fear and keep going.
Since journaling is something that I find helpful, but very difficult in that place, that might look like getting my journal out and my favorite pen and putting it on top of my desk. Exercise is something I really enjoy, but the scared parts of me tell me not to do it, so sometimes to shake myself up I’ll dance to my favorite song. You could write an email to a precious friend, go and wash your car while listening to a podcast, have a shower and really feel the water running over your skin. The important part is to re-engage with reality.
Stories are Not Reality
Those stories that come from fear are not reality! They’re stories, designed to keep you safe, and in doing so, they keep you small. Engaging with reality, and taking some small action is the antidote to those stories. If you want something different in your life, you’re going to have to do something different. Try this next time you’re feeling jammed-up.
Next time you notice fear holding you back, try micro-steps. The tiniest things can make a huge difference. And when you’re back on track, and want to get even more done, check out my series on Productivity Posts.
by Nikki | Jan 14, 2015 | Blog, Motivation, Productivity, Successful projects
More Productivity
This is the third post in my blog series about productivity. You can see the first here, and the second here.
This tip, about getting clear about where to begin, is one to get you organized, so that you know exactly what it is you need to do to actually be productive. What are the physical steps you need to take to make a difference to your to do list, today.
Exactly Where to Begin
If we go back to your BIG list that you created after my previous post, and take a look at the items on the list, you’ll notice that some of them aren’t actually physical steps that you can take. When my clients get the full list written out, and then pay attention to the actual items listed, they begin to notice that some are actually projects, rather than actions that can be taken. So if you have an item on your list like clean out the hall closet, it may well be a project that will take a little organizing before you can complete, or even start it.
If that closet is full of coats, hats and even sports gear that you’ve been meaning to get rid of, then you’ll need to decide on where it’s going. You could donate it all at a thrift store, or sell it on Craigslist, or perhaps donate to the local recreation center – and maybe some of each. All valid options, but also decisions that need to be made before you’ll be able to get the job finished. Until you decide the first physical action that needs to be taken it’s probably unlikely that this one will move off the list.
That Might be a Project
How to know where to being
The hall closet hasn’t stayed full because its a simple task that you don’t want to do, its a little more complex than that, and I would guess that’s why jobs like that don’t get done when you want them to be. Instead of having to consider everything about the task, just to get started on that closet, making a project list is the way to break it down into physical actions. Any task that has multiple steps belongs on your project list. Once its there you then focus on breaking it down into the steps required, and as you can, you add them to your daily to do list (We’ll discuss that one next week).
Once you realize that something is a project, and that there is a series of small and manageable steps that need to be done to get it completed, it becomes much more attainable, and you’ll have the added sense of achievement of crossing a whole lots of steps and the overall project off your project list. And as the steps are small, you’ll be much likely to take one of those simple steps more quickly and easily, instead of trying to bite off more than you can chew, by trying to tackle the whole closet in one step.
Any project will seem much more manageable when you break it down into simple physical actions, and then make a start on those actions. As you get more clarity on your projects and tasks, you’ll notice that where to begin becomes clear and simple. Share your thoughts or experience in the comments below if you’ve tried this. I’d love to hear how its working for you.
